Article by
Professor Mark
Watson-Gandy
K.S.G
13 Old Square
Chambers
Ties
I want to buy a tie for my boyfriend. What do you advise?
Don’t. There can be no greater love than wearing a tie your lover has bought you. Sadly many do not appreciate the level of pitiful self sacrifice this can entail or the relief that ensues at the end of a relationship when he can throw them out.
But it is a brown tie like his eyes.
Please stop there. There has never been a nice brown tie. Brown ties are worn by the sort of people who have acne and aspire to become the corpulent managers of the frozen food section of small supermarket chains. Burn it.
But it has such a nice stripe.
I have started wincing already.
Stripey ties in England tend to mean something. It is a statement to the outside world that I am a member of some club or regiment or some minor public school or other.
It is a bit old fashioned but okay, I suppose, if this is because you want to show you are a member of something cool or the tie is a little whacky (The Garrick Club has a salmon and cucumber coloured tie).
Get it wrong or wear a University College tie and your boyfriend will just seem a bit sad.
But this is nowhere near as bad as wearing a stripe you aren’t entitled to.
Do you really want your boyfriend cornered by some incandescent ex-Benghal Lancer calling your boyfriend a fake?
But the stripe is grey like his suit.
Please just burn it. I am sure the polyester will make a cheerful little flame. It will save time as your boyfriend (if he has any sense) will use it as kindling five minutes after your relationship has ended.
But what is wrong with it?
Please don’t buy a grey tie. It is a simply horrid colour for a tie and quite impossible to use unless your boyfriend has aspirations to be a footman (in which case its self effacing muted colours might be just the thing).
Secondly a tie should never match the suit. It is an accent of colour to set off against a shirt and jacket. It should contrast. Thus a red or yellow tie would work with a dark navy suit.
What should be on it?
Go for some simple contrasting motif. No paisley. And certainly no cartoon characters (they are never funny after lunchtime on Boxing Day).
What about bow ties?
If you want to get a bow tie get a nice classic barethra silk black tie to go with his dinner jacket.
Actually I was thinking of a bow tie for day wear.
Are you serious? With one exception, nobody wears bow ties for day wear these days.
My doctor wears one and he looks quite stylish
That is because he is probably a plastic surgeon and he can get away with wearing a bow tie because of the job he does.
How so?
You really, really don’t want to know.
If you must, it is so that whilst a surgeon is operating, his tie won’t come loose and flap into your innards.
As you can imagine, it would not exactly be very hygienic and it is bound to stain the silk.
Do you have any other hints?
Finding a good tie is hard. Give up.
Let him choose his own ties and buy him a bottle of something decent instead.
CREDIT CRUNCHED: BANKRUPTCY
I’ve been a bad girl. I blitzed my credit cards at Christmas and in the sales and I can’t pay. I’ve just had a letter threatening to make me bankrupt. If they go ahead does that mean I’ll be bankrupt forever?
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